Updated: Mar 10
What is adultery? Cheating? It is the exchanging of affections that belong to your spouse-for another person-with Porn, intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, and even with a continued relationship where one is aroused even if not direct physical contact is given; according to the Scriptures. At one time God forbade intercourse and those sexual physical contacts, but now, he who even looks upon a woman to lust or with desire-commits adultery. For non Christians, then they may consider only the actual physical engagement with a sexual act as adultery. A few believes that this excluded oral or anal sex Others believe that this excluded Porn, Sexting, and like. However, with each of these actions there is a change of the heart that occurs as one lusts for someone other than their spouse which does constitute concern and damage to the relationship since it replaces the spouse, rejects the spouse, dishonors the spouse, hurts the spouse, disrespects the marriage and spouse, and breaches the vows made to be faithful and committed only to the spouse. What ever one wishes to call the issue, it does not change the damage that results to the spouse or the delusion and distortion of thinking that is occurring while one rationalizes and justifies their behavior. In addition, not only does it hurt the spouse but it does render harm to the emotional and physical boundaries of the participant who then has to employ defense mechanisms and manipulation; and who experiences the stress from all of the measures that has to be implemented for their conduct; as they risk contracting disease, their souls, and their family; along with their self respect.
How can we safeguard our minds, thoughts, souls, and hearts from adultery?
Faithfulness is a conscious effort that has to be continued under honest introspection of one's heart, with accountability in place to create the safest forum for fidelity within relations. It is important for both spouses to inform their mates that they are tempted to certain situations or others, and to ask them to help one to resist these temptations by implementing safeguards and distance. It is also important to ask a safe person-other than the spouse to help with accountability during occasions when the spouse is away from home on business or other. The worse thing for either to do is to keep their weakness in the dark, secluded from the other spouse since then one can act upon those temptations easily while denying, lying, and hiding the truth-which then creates the opportunities for the spouse to slip. Do not stay in the same hotel where the desired person is staying.Do not exchange FB, social media, phone number, or other demographic information with the desired person.Do not meet the desired person anywhere at anytime.Do not speak about problems within the marriage to the opposite sex-friend. It is common for "friends" of the opposite sex to be drawn into a relationship as each console the other, listen to the other, and say affirming things about the other's sexuality. This affirmation grows desire of sex with one who wants the other when they feel unwanted at home. Being listened too is also something one misses. Having compassion is a force that creates deeper feelings for the person who "understands the one who feels rejected or unappreciated".Do not look up old girlfriends or boyfriends of the past since there is a familiarity with them and a history with them. With this past then it is too easy to pick up where one left off when weakened or angry at their spouse. The most innocent situations would include sending cards or letters, making calls during a family crisis, and believing that there is no risk. It is common for ex's to reunite quickly since their memories are fresh and easily reignited. Do not eat lunch or dinner, get coffee or other with any of the opposite sex (or same sex to those who prefer same sex partners). This to is a common beginning forum for many to grow feelings within. At first the meetings are those more like acquaintances who are just speaking of non-consequential issues, but can quickly become personal and vulnerable soon-as attractions grow. In addition, this leaves room for others to gossip and to stir doubt within the spouse who is not present. Innocent encounters can easily grow into threatening affairs, ruining the once loving and solid homes.Do not look at porn or like apps, go to strip clubs, or like places. The spouse is to fulfill this need for their loved one and can be asked. The bed is not defiled for those married and any sexual behavior that both are comfortable between them is acceptable. Premarital counseling can assist to assess how each views various sexual behaviors so that both are informed as to how each feels about positions and acts of sex. Once married then both are to only view each other and touch each other-keeping faithful to each other. Porn and like cheapens the God-given gift of sexuality for those married. It is disrespectful of the spouse and suggests that they are not enough to meet their loved one's needs, creating rejection and jealousy, as well as; deep hurt. Those who are willing to exhibit themselves shamelessly to those single and married-defile their selves and those who look upon them. They do not reflect a realistic woman or man appearance or behavior often, thus leading to the disappointment for men and women who then see their spouse that has not been bulked up or subjected to augmentation and other changes that created a body that is not common or average. Adolescents who view such are not often satisfied with the real life version of the opposite or same sex individuals. In addition, Porn and like creates addictive neural pathways when viewed repeatedly and then the spouse is replace since she or he cannot compete with the artificially heightened chemicals of the brain that occurs due to addictions. Loss of pleasure, interests in job, family, and other then results-with often insomnia and possibly eating issues occur; and regardless of divorce-the addiction continues. Multiple sexual partners, even when one night stands-where those who are married are sought out-will lead to high risks of disease and can be transferred to the spouse. One night stands also can lead to stalking and divorce; just as the other venues of sexual adultery or emotional adultery. Substance abuse is almost always a contributing factor to adultery.
What can I do to strengthen my marriage?
Seek comfort and audience with only your spouse, or counselor, or clergy. Learn who your spouse is and what is desired by them. Share what is desirable to you. Listen, affirm, and choose to adore your spouse. Date each other. Respect each other. Be kind and compassionate in word and deed/action. Seek to fulfill their need. Run from temptations and keep yourself, feelings, and actions in the light. Spend quality time with your spouse. He or she is more important than anything or anyone on this earth. Review you marriage vows together and look at any photos or videos of the marriage-remembering how special they were to you. Seek counseling should you find that there is pain or anger that is not easily resolved. Find common interests that both can share.