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The Fallacy of Fairness and Conflict

Updated: Mar 10

Heal and Hope Counseling Services, LLC

Glyndora Condon MS MFT LPC CTMH CCTP, Author September 12, 2020

Conflict is increasing for all mankind of this world as evidenced by newscasts, within our homes, our schools, and most social forums. There are many factors that play into this issue: Personality, culture, government, spirituality, personal experiences, and many other.

One common thread is the distorted thought, Fallacy of Fairness. Within is one of the problems. Out of billions of people across the globe, each individual has their own gauge as to what they think is right and wrong; which differs vastly often from any other’s gauge due to the factors that contributed to one’s beliefs, yet we expect for others to comply with and to agree to “my” gauge, and become resentful and angry if others do not.

As we consider the Eastern world and cultures from the Western world and cultures, we find huge discrepancies, much bias and prejudice, with the inability to comprehend how others believe and act. However, within a nuclear home with the same parenting, government, spirituality, and similar experiences, we find ourselves in disagreement regarding issues.

Simply, good things happen to bad people and to good people; and bad things happen to good people and to bad people, without a respect for creed, color, race, nationality, government, socio-economic status, beliefs, education, and like. In addition, we cannot even agree as to who are the good people and who are the bad people. We seek those of like minds and hearts yet still disagree on many issues, expecting our gauge to be superior that others. Unless we comprehend that in many cases, each of us is limited as to our knowledge and discernment, and that each of us are trying to be fair-then we will find it difficult to find a solution with conflicts.

Instead of arguing, it is best to invite the other person to disclose their thought process, placing their options as to what may be a resolve on the table-as we calmly do the same. Realizing that God has all knowledge and is the Judge, then we consider all options in the light of His Word and ask Him to guide us to a resolve that He wants for us. With better listening and communication tools then we will be able to check what we thought the other said with them and then speak to our own thoughts more effectively. As we seek a solution instead of the acting in the “Fallacy of Being Right” then we will find it possible to respect others as we work together.

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