Why Did They Leave Me?
An ever burdening question spoken by most all survivors of suicide is, why. We seek to learn the cause and effect and most of the time experience guilt, shame, abandonment, and blame for our loved one who chose to kill oneself. We feel so alone-yet suicides are more common than we would want to believe. The latest research-which will not reflect an accurate count due to many who stage an accidental suicide or who may die of drug overdose (since it is unsure if that was accidental or intentional) which is still mind boggling:
There are over 40,000 suicides in the USA.
This means there are over 100,000 survivors.
This calculates that over 100 suicides occur daily.
It is estimated that over 100, 000 suicide attempts occur in a year.
There is little difference between the Christian community and the un-Christian community in regards to suicides.
With suicides, survivors experience triple the pain, from the actual loss, and the sudden shock; but also they experience feelings of rejection.
These are some of the most difficult deaths for ministers to speak of at funerals in their attempt to give comfort; and for each other of the family and friends as they grapple for the appropriate words.
Some are accidents due to their cry for help which became final and fatal with miscalculations or changes of plans from what was expected.
Survivors of suicides are at high risk. Some act out the suicide to understand how this must have been like. Some attempt to self medicate with alcohol and drugs. Some die shortly afterwards, unable to eat or just simply giving up. They are to be treated as if intensive care with the presence of someone supportive who can allow the bitter cries of pain without judging or speaking. They need to seek support groups who know their pain. They need someone to tell them that this is not their fault and that they are not alone. In addition, when asked if their loved one is condemned due to their action-then we cannot know exactly what was the last thought of the heart-and only the Lord knows that answer. We must take hope in the Lord even during our loss and have hope in Him.
Depression is very serious. It is caused by a chemical imbalance of the brain. The right foods can help lift the depression along with other coping tools; and at times, medication can bring relief. Certain groups are at high risk. The elderly, adolescents at age of 14, those who have just lost a loved one, some-after birthing a baby, some during holidays; and other occasions. Therefore take it seriously.
We may never truly know why a person could choose to kill oneself but we know they would not want their loved ones to hurt or to blame their selves. They would want us to seek counseling and help. One last thing; the grieving does not have a specific time limit for those who are survivors. Some grieve a life time, and others a few months to a year. Please do not attempt to tell them that they need to get over it. Instead suggest they go for help. Be aware of common clues, especially after the suicide of another.
If you are a survivor of a lost one through any means; then know that we are here to help you navigate this nightmare that seems never ending. Contact us today. Grief and loss can heal.