By: Glyndora Condon Ms, MFT, LPC
The topic of Abortion normally derives two sides: The side of the baby' right to life as the baby thrives within a natural environment which is healthy and nurturing; although a separate entity. OR The side of the woman, who's body is doing a very natural thing; is healthy (normally) yet the woman has chosen that she does not want the pregnancy for one or more reasons; and therefore does not feel as if she should have to have the pregnancy since it requires her body. But in fact, there are many factors and other entities that are effected. First, the reason for the want of divorce can be based upon several factors:1) The father states, "get rid of it", or "this is your choice not mine" often resulting in the mother who then goes into the clinic to stop the pregnancy.2) The parent of the mother or father may be ashamed or disgraced, worried of financial burdens; and they may be pressuring the mother or father to stop the pregnancy.3) The church may be judgmental and therefore then this may cause the mother or father to not want the church to know -or-to rid themselves of the evidence of their sin.4) The friend may ask "what are you going to do?" which is charged with-"Hmmm, maybe you need an abortion".5) Others may point to lack of income, lack of knowledge, lack of maturity to encourage the mother or father to push for abortion.All of which has elements of selfishness, irresponsible, and shame attached towards the one pregnant and regarding their own roles.
Once the baby is taken then the fathers who did not care, may be triggered to remember when later he is going to experience fatherhood; and then remembers that this baby is not the first baby that he did create and did not save...
The parents who threatened to kick the daughter out unless she aborted, or who encouraged or even drove that child to the abortion clinic-may find themselves later feeling the pain and loss of their grandchild, and for their daughter's or son's remorse.
The friend and others-may one day feel remorse when their friend was unable to heal from the abortion; now addicted to drugs/alcohol/porn/ or other vice-or who is self harming, suicidal, and/or unable to be committed to others...
Friends and family would be better to ask, "What can I do to help?" than to ask, "What are you going to do?" "Which would help the mother and father feel less judged and more supported.
Doctors who claim that the baby is defective; does not know in fact; as to any level of possible imperfection to expect and often gives a doom and gloom report. Many times babies who were allowed to come naturally-were little effected and grew into productive adults with their own children (I am one of these).
Doctors also suggest that the mother of baby are at high risk of not making it if the pregnancy is continued-however; there are many times when both live and both thrive with care. Those mothers who enter into an early C-section delivery after 5 months often will be blessed with their baby's survival.
Christians believe that whether or not a pregnancy survives is God's call and that any life that does survive has a purpose (regardless of term, disability, or like) and much evidence supports that parents of those children who were not perfect-helped them to become better people as they learned to care for their baby, and although they may have only had a few years with this child-these years were blessings.
These do not account for the multiple perspectives, nor all of the factors that a person has to think about, nor all who were effected, as well as; of the scenarios that occur. The above is the perspectives could be from pro choice views of the mother but not of the child who also should have choice but was given none. What about the boyfriend or husband who wanted his baby yet had no voice. What about the parents who begged their daughter or son to keep the baby; or even to know that they would take the baby to rear for the mother or father so that the baby would be allowed to live and have a good home. What about the couples who seek to adopt yet the babies are being aborted instead of given to them to love..? To these individuals-the mother could have caused no less pain to them if the mother had killed her baby once born, since the love of the unborn was just as great prior to the birth as it would have been after. Imagine these individuals and their grief as they learn of these innocent babies who were sacrificed despite their love and their offers of a home... Then there are the parents who did not know that an abortion took place of their grandchildren by their child. Years pass, all seem well; then one day they learn that they would have had a grandson or granddaughter who was 6 years old now had an abortion not been done...oh my goodness... "Why they ask?" The answer, "I was not ready" or "I did not want to disappoint you" How could a child believe that aborting a baby is less disappointment than keeping one? Or does this go back to a child's fear of threats of being thrown out of the house?? So who mourns these lives that were special unplanned blessings; yet who did not receive a stay of execution? As a counselor, I see the after math from all of these parties mentioned. I see guilt, shame, remorse, anger, depression, grief, and bitterness. Patients/clients still cry over their "choice" and wish they had not chosen the death of their babies, grandbabies, and like. Some hang stockings at Christmas for their lost family members...remember the dates of the abortion with tears, think of the projected birthdates of the unborn had they been born...and some push it deeply down and hope that they do not remember. Have you ever had this experience? Another fact to consider: People claim that they are for Women as they march for the right to choose; a concept claimed as a right for women, but is it really to help women or is there another more hidden reason for society to push for abortions? For example, one main reason why some push abortions is to limit the population. Another main reason is to limit a specific population that is considered as unimportant and disposable (race, disabled, inconveniences)so as to grow a superior race. The mother who goes for an abortion is often not treated the same as one who is going for a corrective surgery. She does not often meet the doctor who is to take that baby until she is undressed and her feet in the stirrups. Sometimes the doctors are not nice at all to her. Sometimes she is not given a pill to help with her nerves while other times she is; and often she is told that this is not a big deal, and is treated as such while she listens to the tools, feels the insertions, listens to the suctioning, and watches the faces of those attending her. It is nothing like it would have been had she needed knee surgery. Had this been the case, she would have spoken to the anesthesiologist, the doctor, offered several kind gestures for her comfort, several times. But, not now...at most she is give a cookie and some juice and released after her experience-in many cases. What they spend most of their time doing is making sure that they get paid for their services. In this case then it is money driving the abortion clinics not to help woman-as once considers these facts. Healing from this may take years, and requires a loving and compassionate ear. As we see, much plays into such a decision, and much is suffered as a rippling effect when a decision like this is made. We must ask, " What can we do to help?" Whether you have had an abortion or a few; or if you are struggling with making a decision: Or if you are a parent of a child who aborted your grandchild; or the biological father who is hurt and angry about losing your son or daughter-then come and speak with us...we are here for you. I am pro-life and consider the baby as a different entity that is not of the mother's body; and would not be supportive of the decision of abortion; but I will help in the many consequences, the emotional roller-coaster, the feelings of shame and guilt, and the need to forgive oneself or others with love from my heart. Counselor's own core beliefs are not governing the counseling forum in my office. I prioritize you and your core beliefs as we work from there. Let me walk a while with you. If you are contemplating abortion or have had one or more-and feel overwhelmed; please know we are here.