By: Glyndora Condon MS MFT LPC
When one speaks of a sex change, one speaks of a delusion of great magnitude. One cannot change their own chromosomes born with, or the many physical factors that are attributed to the two genders. For instance, let us consider only the brain and how it functions in the two genders. Both brains are almost identical until approximately the 6th week in utero but then the chromosomal differences of the XY (male) from the XX (female) must use a good portion (25-33%) of the corpus collosum (a connective tissue of the hemispheres) in order to create the larger bone mass and muscle mass; as well as, the penis and scrotum belonging to the male. One can recognize a male brain from a female brain due to this change. This change also contributes to the way the brain processes information. Below, with a little humor; we will see some differences of how male’s and female’s brains work.
First, let us consider the male’s brain shall we? Generally speaking, a male’s brain is like a chest of drawers or a bunch of disconnected boxes. None touch. There is less emotion. Males have a nothing box (or drawer) in which they like to reside, and can actually think, “nothing” and when times are stressed, he prefers to remain in that box. He has three basic drives: Eat, sleep, and sex, or maybe we should say, sex, sex, sex…Often men are more visual and can derive sexual pictures from two fried eggs, or two circles drawn together on the ground-to mean, breast. If a problem arises, men believe they are to fix it, and will choose the least number of words to use in most circumstances; wanting only the “bottom line”. When he sighs, it will often mean that life is good. They are often selective listeners especially if there is allot of detail. As problems occur, they quickly attempt to fix it and then close their box with the belief that all is well and now it is time for sex. If the woman frets, she is to get over it. He zeros in the vaginal area of the woman which is his happy place. Only when his one subject at a time is closed will he be able to consider another but often appears as if he following the multiple subjects discussed as he may nod his head or grunt. Needless to say, as the event comes without his memory or action; he may then state that he did not hear anything about such a topic, when in fact it was disclosed while he was focused on another boxed issue. A man can usually say everything that he feels that he needs to say in 5 minutes or less, and wants the same returned. If a man is asked what he is thinking and he replies, nothing…then it is literally nothing.
In contrast let us now view a woman’s brain. She has extra ram with details and memory. She synthesizes everything in order to make sense-as she analyzes her analogies, second guessing herself in order to be sure she is not going to make a mistake that may hurt all the people in her life. Her brain is much like a mess of fast speeding bullets blasting within the two hemispheres at the speed of light (or faster) while she multi-tasks between children, cooking, and talking on the phone. She is an internet super-box that would put the fastest internet to shame; supercharged with emotions and can fly from contentment to devastated within a millisecond. She is of many words and believes she must be very detailed as she speaks, especially if it is a problem. Therefore, one cannot measure the time it may take for her to have completed her factoring and speaking about a problem. It is indefinite and can be brought back up a few days later if she has another thought about it that was not expressed prior. Only when she is satisfied that there has been a good solution provided can she think about sex. She is often a very good listener and can sense extra messages in between the lines. When she asks a question, she wants detail in the answer. If a woman replies that she is thinking nothing, then watch out since it is definitely something and she needs you to explain yourself very carefully. If she sighs, it may mean, “you are an idiot”. If she says, “go ahead” then she actually means…” watch out if you do” … so beware. She too is highly sexual but for her, she needs the atmosphere, her partner, herself, and emotions to all be united and enlisted. Engaging all of her senses would be most pleasurable. Rushing her would be a mistake. Often quality is of high importance when one speaks of words, time, sex, sleep, or any other factor. She does not understand the NOTHING box. She thinks all of the time. When women are stressed or if she senses stress, she wants to talk and for others to talk to her. She wants to listen and for others to listen. She does not want to be fixed.
This is only the differences of a brain between two genders…and with such-communication will be a challenge but it can be accomplished with both learning how to relate to the other.