By: Glyndora Condon MS, MFT, LPC
God instructs Parents to parent with consistency. Let's look at some types of parenting styles.
Parenting is an awesome task. Parents can be warm and attentive or they can distant and self absorbed. In addition, there are four basic parenting styles of which parents adopt while rearing their children, (Baumrind, 1975, 1991). These will be described and then will be related to how a ten year old might behave or develop under each style of parenting.
Authoritarian Parenting Style which is demanding, and punitive, exhibiting little warmth. Parents assume more of a dictatorship holding their children to difficult, high standards. Punishments do not match the crime, parents do not explain themselves or why rules are in effect, and are not concerned with being role models . Parents are rigid and so are their rules and expectations. Children who are brought up with these parents experience extreme control issues, do not develop a sense of discipline or an inner morality, are not very verbal, and are often unhappy, fearful, anxious, fail to initiate activity, and have weak communication skills. Should they need to ask for guidance during a sensitive experience, they would not feel comfortable consulting with their parents.
Authoritative parents set high goals and they are active role models. It is a nurturant and warm style of parenting. Children who are reared with these parents are blessed and become cheerful, self-controlled and self-reliant, and achievement-oriented. They maintain friendships with peers, cooperate with adults, and cope well with stress. Their social skills are often keen. They normally have close bonds with their parents.
Indulgent Parenting Style. These parents are focused on their children and are heavily invested, purchasing lots of gifts and possessions. However, they offer little direction (Goodner, Robert, 2001). Parents are responsive but undemanding and more like a friend. They are affirmative but do not hold their child to take responsibility for their conduct. In fact, the parent excuses their child’s impulses, aggressions, and sexual conduct. This is due to their inability to say the word no. There are vague boundaries or guidelines set for the child to adhere too. The child then rules the roost. Children often lack self-control, has behavior problems, do substandard work in school or on the job, do not take responsibility for their mistakes, are immature, insecure, demanding, and are selfish. In addition, they are not dependable, have little motivation, and have external moral codes according to (Egeland & Farber, 1984). They are however highly social and usually have good self-esteems.
Un-involved Parent. Parents who are these types are un-involved, neglectful, selfish, and do not communicate with their children. In extreme cases they reject and may even abuse their young. Normally however, the basic essential needs are met. The child is fed and clothed. However, the parent is concerned more about their own conveniences and comfort, entertainment, and concerns. Children occupy themselves. They are demanding since they learn they must be to get their parent’s attention. They have low social skills, expect to get their way, and are aggressive, non-compliant.
Each of these parenting styles contribute to the developmental issues of the emotional and cognitive; and also physiological health or concerns.
We work to help parents cultivate a more authoritative parenting style that utilizes modeling and coaching the best behaviors and thought processing. Children learn skills and grow character. The others are most dysfunctional and contribute to aggressive, dependency, entitlement, or other negative issues.
If you find parenting daunting and frustrating; or you are observing your children's op-positional or entitled mindset; and wish to turn this around then please contact us. It is not too late as long as your child is under 18; for changes to occur. Be empowered with the latest parenting resources and watch your loved one grow into a productive adult.
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