By Glyndora Condon MS MFT LPC speaks to multiple types of mothers; and hopeful to become mothers- women; and how this day can effect them.
For many mothers, the special day for honoring them is a pleasant experience; but for some then this day brings with it added stress and sadness. One group of mothers who may feel uncomfortable are single mothers. Who will take these precious babies and educate them about this special day, and about this special woman who gave birth to them? What are they supposed to do? Take their children to a store and buy a card for oneself then ask their children to sign it? Or hand their children a piece of paper and tell them to say nice things about her and then draw a picture to give to her? Those who know single mothers can be most helpful. They can arrive and take the children out as they teach about this special day and help the children to comprehend this is a day to honor their mommy.
Another group that is hit hard on Mother’s Day are Mothers who miscarried their baby(ies). These women longed to be mothers yet for one reason or another, these women were not blessed with a live birth. They see others with their little ones and watch as the stores stock cards and flowers for this occasion, yet even though these women did conceive, they do not have little eyes of love to look upon. Some of these women suffered years of dashed hopes each and every month as they prayed and waited. They glowed with anticipation when they received that wonderful news that they were indeed pregnant. They soon discovered blood during their pregnancies and learned that their baby was not going to make it. The nursery, the maternity clothes, the items purchased for this little baby are reminders of the heartache.
They and those women who were not able to become pregnant share the hurt as they walk past the baby department, families playing, or other like situations, yet feel out of place. They yearn for their baby and the chaos of parenting. Yet they see others who were blessed, but who may not consider their status as a parent or their children as a blessing. They watch many women kill the life inside of them as these women remain barren and/or childless. Adoptions are limited since millions of perspective babies are aborted. How could this happen?
Still, another group of women have survived their live born child. They may have other children or none as they bury their child prematurely. Perhaps it was due to health issues, an accident, drugs, suicide, or a number of possible yet unexpected and tragic reasons-as this mother makes funeral arrangements for her child. Regardless the age or reason for this loss, this mother knows that this is not what she envisioned when she birthed this precious baby. She would have taken the child’s place had this been possible-but now lives with her memories of what she enjoyed and what she regretted; and wishing that she could see her baby again but continues to find the empty room instead.
There are mothers who chose to abort their babies, but who later regrets this choice as she learns more about the dynamics around the pressure for her during her time of need which coerced her choice; the pain rendered to her baby as that baby was administered his or her final demise. These mothers suffer shame and guilt, depression, and sometimes physical and other life changing negative issues. As they see children the age that theirs would have been-then they wonder if this child resembles theirs had their child was allowed to live.
Then, there are mothers who see their offspring and wonder if these children are prepared to carry on without them. They worry when they see their children making bad choices as they choose mates or handle finance; or as parents, as well as; spiritually. Some have been abandoned by their children. Others have dependent children who emotionally never grew up. Some of these children are financially dependent and do not know how to stop…even when mother is unable to support their lifestyle any longer; and has sacrificed so much for them.
Mother’s Day is supposed to be a warm, honorable, loving day for women, yet can bring much pain to many for various reasons.
We are here to help.
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