Updated: Sep 4, 2019
By Glyndora Condon MS MFT LPC writes of revenge porn when some trusts too fast.
With the IPhones and Internet, we are more connected to most any venue today. Some are good but many are immoral, toxic, and harmful. The culture press for freedom to engage in any venue if one only wants it or believes that this is their right. With this construct then we find that women are further exploited and our youth are becoming indoctrinated. Although connected, these connections are frivolous. No real relationship that only evolves from interaction and tests over time is desired or sought for. Due to the want of immediate gratification and delusion; the culture dispenses with the work and the diligence required that cultivates deep and lasting relationships. No longer do each withhold sexual pleasure until marriage. Many believe that porn is good for their relationships and that it is better to wait longer before committing yet demand the sexual benefits of marriage without the commitment. The more we move from morality, the less fulfilling that this "freedom" is. Yet, this is not the complete consequence.
Peer pressure for all youth to have a boyfriend or girlfriend in order to feel worthy crosses economic, religious, and cultural sects. In addition, it is pressed to send partial and full nude videos and photos when in one of these fake relationships; as "I love you" is said without heart or good intent. Those who need validation from their boyfriend or girlfriend fear that if they do not go along then their partner will leave for another. Fear is driving many to send videos and photos of oneself upon demand. Some believe that the more lewd that they can become-then this will keep that partner only to discover that many others are as willing to become vulnerable.
When (not if) the break up occurs then it is now common for the disgruntled to feel justified to post all of these very personal photos and videos on social media. FaceBook, Revenge Porn, and other like venues are then used to broadcast how terrible the person is who broke up with them. Labels and terrible comments are posted. Now, millions can access the photos and videos from multiple walks of life with ages that can run from 8-80. Those who look at the photos and read the comments then add fuel to the flame. The victim who learns that they now have photos abroad is aghast at their ill-placed trust, and stunned with the comments, the likes, the dislikes, the laughter and mockery, the shame; that is pouring in about them. The one who posted believes that one hurt deserves another; without concern of the shame, guilt, danger, and harm done to the one who they once shared intimacy with.
The harm includes slander, lowered self esteem, depression, anxiety, and sometimes even suicidal and self harm behaviors. In addition, once one has given of oneself then it is extremely difficult to not fall prey again.
Often revenge is attempted yet males do not experience the same amount of embarrassment or harm as do females since males have long been taking advantage of females with a double standard in society which allows them this wrongful mindset and behavior. Many of them therefore are not as effected. Has this so-called "freedom" helped our youth? Our females? Absolutely not.
Sexting is against the law. Porn does not enhance relationships. Therefore how can females protect themselves? The only way to not fall prey to such tactics and harm is to not take or send nude photos or videos. To enhance relationships then one would need to move slowly with prudence with tests and time so as to learn who the other person is. One needs to learn what character the other possesses such as: Trust, dependability, responsibility, anger management, integrity, honesty, the level of discernment and honor, and how one handles work and money. With this knowledge then fewer would fall prey to domestic violence and meaningless sexual pleasures without commitment.