What is Family? How Do We Fix Families?
Tim Sisarich, spokes person in a DVD entitled, Irreplaceable-sets out to answer these and other questions. In this effort, he spoke with authors and experts: Dr Miriam Grossman, Eric Metaxas, John Stoenstreet, Gene Wholeberg, Mr. and Mrs. Jake Lyons, Doug Sauder, Linda Malone-Colon, Carey Casey, Nikki Lee, Dr Anne Moir, Elizabeth Marquarett, Chase Wood, Nancy Pearcy, and others, who are depicted in this documentary. This video was reviewed by Michael Medved, Kirk Cameron, Tony Dungy, BeliefNet.com, Gov. Mike Huckabee, and Focus on the Family who are providing excellent reviews as: Inspiring, Thought provoking, Phenomenal, and Powerful. The data provided in this article will be based upon this documentary. Credit for the following information is therefore provided to these contributors and their research.
Families of the past were not perfect yet were more in tact than today. The basic need for marriage for sex, to procreate-helped create the commitment towards family. Women however were disgruntled due to some very real issues that appeared to devalue them and sought to improve their lives and increase their value with the first introduction of feminist views; yet instead of teaching them to embrace their differences and value as they have different brains and bodies that are intended to compliment the differences of the male brain and body-women fell into a trap of thinking that equality was the answer instead. Instead of being empowered to speak to others that they are to be respected for their differences and value as they were; then they settled for a long war to prove that they are the same (which is not true).
In efforts to appear empowered, they sank to disrespecting their own bodies and self-and are more devalued today with the same double standard that men's sexual prowess is playful and accepted while woman's is disgusting and labeled-yet women are pressured into a less respected role which goes against the initial feminist intent. Freedom came at a great cost as woman was provided birth control, the option of abortion, and the message that they can do anything they want with or without marriage. As man has escaped their role as husband and father; and skirted from responsibilities of being present for their children and family-woman now also follows the same irresponsible mindset.
As family therefore moves from a structured and committed unit (team effort) which is intrinsic and with inalienable value and rights; and which is pre-state; and which is the core of society where each member is able to discover their true nature and have role models ; to the world view that basically is based more on Plato's ideology that children are to be property of the state, and that seek to encourage individual selfish focus; with dependence upon government, in the misnomer that in this effort, they can rid the world of the misfits. This ideology is causing polarization as members who follow this construct embraces "no responsibility, no commitment, cheap sex, the right to reject one's own body which wounds woman, man, and youth, the right to reject any imperfect baby, race, or other unwanted entity; increasing the fatherless families, which discards the value of humans and life, and children; with increasing isolation and aggression-resulting in the demise of families which therefore is leading to the demise of the society.
Startling statistics relate to fatherless families. 71% are drop outs, 71% become pregnant out of wedlock and often promiscuous; 90% are homeless, 63% have higher suicides, 85% end in prison. Some families who have men in them over the past 30 years have not had appropriate male modeling as to what a real husband and father looks like thus these homes are dysfunctional; often unable to show emotions and who are more of the authoritarian mindset. When inmates were interviewed, time and time again-a primary precursor of their aggression, drug use, moral depravity, and inability to respect was the fact of a fatherless home. It is critical that fathers take responsibility and be present.
In China, the devalue of woman is evidenced with gender-cide; as over 160,000,000 baby girls were aborted purposefully due to their gender. Countries believe that it is okay and even humane to kill babies who have defects. Some have been able to justify the need of abortion to rid them of a certain race.
The culture today has devalued sex: 50% of women have STD's. Men and women feel pressured to hook up (intercourse) without any commitment or respect. Fewer marriages occur. Selfish individuals have no clue as to how to relate to each other. There are now temporary marriages where you can marry one day and divorce after the weekend. If people have differences of opinions or find one boring; they leave instead of learning how to relate, to work through, and to build each other. They do not know how to interact in a real marriage. They area adopting the construct that if this person is not like me then they are valued less-instead of valuing the uniqueness of the other.
Jonathan Last speaks of how-having fewer children is itself rendering consequences that harms and will destroy the society thus is a sickness for society. This construct continues to devalue women and life. Women fear being a mother, cutting themselves from a natural and beautiful gift to women. As our youth are questioned as to their "hook up" lifestyle-they often publicly speak of how this is fine; but in private will state that they dislike how this makes them feel. Being in such an intimate situation without commitment creates added vulnerability and the feeling of rejection. Yet they feel pressured and expected to continue.
We see that the above findings also devalued marriage, woman, parenting, and our most innocent children with this myth that marriage only works when we are compatible is embraced. Marriages that are forged through trials and hardship with hope and practical tools are strong and fulfilling marriages. Children are not commodities but are humans who have lost their rights when people began seeing them as burdens, accidents, misfits, or possessions.
The video was most informative and this article has only touched the surface. Marriage is relevant when entered into with the right heart and with commitment. Dads are important! The anything goes of this society is destroying it. Male and female differences are to be celebrated and embraced. How do we fix our families? We fix the "me" in this family as we utilize hope and coping tools. I recommend this video.
Glyndora Condon MS MFT LPC